Sunday, October 24, 2010

Day 15

Day 15 - Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play

This is fun! Except I don't have an Ipod. Actually, I think Ipod's are really lame. In general, I think Apple is really lame even though I kinda sorta almost but not really want a Macbook. That's only because sometimes I'm a follower and when every other photographer I know has a Mac, I want to follow. But as my husband has told me many many times, our PCs do what I need them to do, and he knows how to fix them when they don't do what we need them to do. This is getting off subject.

I don't have an Ipod. I sorta share a MP3 player with my husband, although, it really is his (a Valentine's Day gift - the necklace he bought me is way better...). Usually, when I want music, I turn my Blackberry or PC to Pandora and stream away. l love Pandora. Anyways, I DO have a account where I store music for when I really need to listen to a certain song. So, I'll put that on shuffle and we'll see where we go. I have several different playlists on, however, I'm going to shuffle my "I go back" list and see if I can't dig up some memories.

1. "You'll think of me" Keith Urban
When I was living in Tucson, I had a boyfriend who was really a bad boyfriend to have. Not that he wasn't a good guy, because, for the most part, he was, but we were a bad couple. I don't like admitting that I used him, but I did - although I didn't realize it at the time. We had a lot of issues - most of which stemmed from the fact that I was in love with Chase and was only lying to myself trying to live a life without him. Anyways, when our relationship got to the worst points - right in the few months before I left Tucson - I listened to this song a lot. Mostly, I liked the part that said "Take your cat and leave my sweater" because we had a cat together, who I took. Anyways, I do think of him from time to time - we did have some great times, and he did mean a lot to me - but we are definitely better apart than together. He's one of the only guys from my past that I feel no reason to have a relationship with today - I have most of the others Facebooked - but, when I left Tucson, I left him behind, and he left me behind, and we moved on happily. Or at least, I hope he did.

2. "Little Black Back Pack" Stroke 9
I don't really think this song has any real meaning to me - except that my best friend, Mandy, introduced me to the song, and I loved it. I still do. That was a lot of years ago.

3. "Someday We'll Know" Mandy Moore, Jonathan Foreman
I used to really love Mandy Moore (well, I really still do actually), and I remember driving around in my first car, a 1990 blue Eclipse listening to this song. I listened to it a lot actually after I broke up with one my first "real" boyfriends, Adam. That was also a bad relationship (lol), but the song sort of fit at the time. It wasn't a bad breakup - "If I could ask God just one question...Why aren't you here with me? Someday we'll know, if love can move a mountain, someday we'll know, why the sky is blue. Someday we'll know why I wasn't meant for you." We were both young, and silly in "love" - although I soon found out that that love was really "puppy love." When we broke up, it was just because it wasn't working, we were young, and we wanted different things. We remained friends for awhile and although have lost touch over the years, this song will probably always remind me of him.

4. "It's Gonna Be Love" Mandy Moore
This is sort of embarrassing! I told you I loved Mandy Moore! :) This was one of my favorite songs around the time I was 15-16 or so. I remember that I had my own personal phone line (and answering machine of course) and the chorus of this song was the message on my machine. I was such a nerd. My answering machine was green though - cool, huh?

5. "I Go Back" Kenny Chesney
Well, isn't this song fitting?? My Mom bought me this CD for my last Easter at home. Oh - sorry - the Easter bunny bought me this CD. So this was a song of the last few months of my senior year, my last summer at home and my first few months in Phoenix. I always liked listening to it, and thinking about my past. It didn't really "fit" me, but it did get me thinking about certain songs that did make me go back. Some of which, I'm describing to you tonight. :) "Every time I hear that song, I go back. We all have a song that somehow stamped our lives - takes us to another place and time"

6. "Fake It" Seether
I think all I need to say about this song, is that it is another one from Tucson. I was a little messed up at that point of time in my life.

7. "Bouncing Off the Walls Again" Sugarcult
Oh, Ryan! I had a lot of boys in my life when I was a! Ryan was a friend of mine - he was an "older, cooler, college guy" who took an interest in me because he thought he could solve my life problems for me, or something like that. I liked him more than I probably should have - but - he was always just a friend - and typically a phone friend since college wasn't near my house. He made me listen to this song one time - and I was hooked.

8. "Your Guardian Angel" Red Jump Suit Apparatus
Aww - this really isn't a blast from the past (or at least not the far past) but when Chase and I were discussing the playlist for our wedding, we didn't agree on much. Chase and I have VERY different tastes in music (seriously, who likes Modest Mouse??) Well, I was really frustrated with the whole process - I didn't feel like he was taking it seriously, and more than half of what he was suggesting was far from wedding music...and then he played this song - and I knew I could marry him. I love this song so much now that it's even a ringer on my phone. And...I'm trying to embrace his music more (but seriously, who likes Modest Mouse??)

9. "Welcome to my Life" Simple Plan
This is song is bad, bad memories for me. My lovely sister (she truly is lovely) bought me this CD for my first Christmas in Phoenix. I was missing home really bad. I was missing Chase really bad. I was missing high school really bad. I was not doing well in Phoenix. I had said bf who we discussed above - but - he (and his friends) were very different from me, and did very different things than I was used to. I didn't want to spend Christmas with them - I wanted to be home with my family. The kicker for me came Christmas night when they sat around on the driveway, with a bonfire in the middle, and smoked weed. I don't smoke. Ever. And certainly not pot. This was a ritual for them, and I was always uncomfortable...but Christmas? Who smokes weed on Christmas? Not me. So I got into my wonderful rental - a 2005 Nissan Altima with 500 miles on it - and drove circles on the 101 listening to this CD and Chase. He saved me. And I'll always love him for that.

10. "Bubbly" Colbie Caillat
I love this song. I used to sing this song to Hunter when he was a baby. I would tickle his little toes. It always makes me smile when I hear this song and I think about how little he was. "You give me feelings that I adore. They start in my toes, make me crinkle my noes. Wherever it goes, I always know. That you make smile, please stay for awhile now, just take your time, wherever you go"

This is fun. Can I keep going?

11. "Lucky" Jason Mraz, Colbie Caillat
This is our song. Me and Chase. We listened to this song dozens upon dozens of times while we practiced our dance. It took us forever and a day to decide on a song - but the first time I heard this song, I was hooked. I loved it. Chase didn't mind it. It was totally a winner! I do really feel like Chase is my best friend - he has saved me so many times. He's protected me when I didn't want to be protected. And I am lucky. I know I'm lucky. And I won't ever let go. And in fact - Chase is away this weekend, so I just sent him part of that song in a voice message. I'm such a nerd at 11:21 at night.

12. "Anything But Mine" Kenny Chesney
This is me being lame. It's about another boy (duh!). Jellybean. Jellybean was an important part of my life - he was sort of...I don't even know. He was one of the greatest people to ever come into my life. He showed me a lot about love - and how powerful love could be. There was a lot of hurt and a lot of emotion in our short relationship - but we came out on top - friends. Jellybean came along after one of the many Chase breakups - and he was the first person to get me to realize that I might have a life outside of Chase. We spent an amazing summer together at the end of my senior year. At the end of the day - we wanted different things from our relationship and we weren't right for each other right then. There's no doubt in my mind that had we come into each other's lives 5 years down the road that we wouldn't have been together forever. I truly did love him - and he's one of the two people that I can say that about. There's a plan for everything though, and my plan has always been Chase - but Jellybean showed me so much, and help me grow and experience life in a different way - and for that - I am so grateful.

Alright, I think I'll end there. It's late, and I think I went pretty far down memory lane. For tonight - know this - I miss my husband, and I can't wait until he comes home tomorrow. This weekend has been fun for Nut and I, but I'm ready to see Chase, ready for my hugs and kisses. It was a little bit of a hard weekend for me emotionally - and - I feel ready to talk to my husband about the things that have been hurting me lately - so hopefully he can see that my bad mood was sort of justified.


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